Why a Partner Leaves You and What to Do When It Happens
Struggling to figure out why your lover has abandoned you might become a source of constant frustration. Even if there appears to be a clear and uncomfortable reason on the surface, your brain will hunt for solutions that are both pleasing and rational in order to find satisfaction.
While there are likely a thousand reasons for his or her leaving, the one you would like to believe will set a tone for your viewpoint, attitude, and experience in the next months and years.
For example, it’s usually less difficult to accept the notion that you and your spouse “grew apart” than it is to consider the prospect that he or she has fallen out of love with you or with someone else. In contrast to the first argument, which is practical and plausible, the second can be a shattering blow to one’s heart and ego.
However, there are some frequent reasons why people leave a relationship that you may never receive the response you are searching for from your significant other. When I am working with divorced people in my therapy practice, the most common reasons for leaving are listed below.
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WHY DO PARTNERS LEAVE?
1. Your lover had grown tired of being in love with you. One of the most prevalent reasons for people to end a relationship is infidelity. It’s arguable that all long-term relationships eventually lose their luster, but falling out of love is frequently a euphemism for “I’m done with this.” While there are instances in which couples rekindle their feelings for one another, most of the time it is difficult to rekindle this emotional connection.
How to cope: Remember not to take things personally, no matter how difficult it is. Keep in mind that individuals fall in or out of love all the time, & you definitely don’t want to be around someone who doesn’t truly care about you. First and foremost, mend your ego & your heart, and then assess where you stand in terms of your emotions.
2. Your partner thought that you had evolved into more of a brother than a partner in the relationship. Many devoted marriages and relationships, particularly those that begin at an early age, eventually transition from a romantic to a familial bond or relationship.
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Couples who “grow up” together and subsequently “grow apart” are examples of this. It gets to the point when husbands become brotherly & wives become sisterly, and it feels too strange to be passionate anymore. These are difficult situations to be in since there is still a deep emotional connection between the parties, but there is no physical connection. However, for many people, staying in these types of marriages is simply not an option. For them, giving up love and sex is simply not an option.
The best way to deal with it: If this is the cause for your relationship breakdown or split, you’ve undoubtedly had a pretty nice time with it. You were most likely in a relationship that was extremely comfortable and “excellent” in many aspects but believe that you will reignite some of your romantic flames and realize that your marriage was unsatisfying. Take time to appreciate what you have and concentrate on finishing that chapter while preparing for the next one.
3. Your partner felt unloved and unnoticed by you. When a relationship is not cared for, it withers and dies, just as if it were a garden. A dead limb on a tree may have broken off because you did not appreciate your partner enough or did not cultivate the relationship between you and your mate. Perhaps there were valid reasons for you not to invest your energy and time in the relationship, or perhaps you believed that your partner’s role in the relationship was just as important as yours. All of this may be true, but once life has been sucked out of a partnership, it will take a great deal of effort to restore it to where it should be in the first place.
Coping strategies include accepting responsibility for your part in the situation, forgiving yourself for what you could have done better, and letting go of your expectations for how things should have turned out. Make an effort to let go of your anger and resentment in order to make room for understanding and progress.
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4. Your partner has begun dating someone else. This is frequently the most painful reason for a departure, but it’s also the one that’s easier to accept in some situations. When there is infidelity, the message is quite powerful and unambiguous, in contrast to more opaque reasons such as boredom or a lack of compatibility. It is possible to recover after an affair, but the majority of the time the trust has been broken and cannot be restored. Cheating spouses are frequently unwilling to put out any effort toward repairing the relationship or marriage, resulting in increased feelings of frustration and hurt.
Approaching the situation from a righteous or moral perspective should be avoided. The reasons behind the affairs are extremely “dark” and multifaceted in nature. It’s easy to get stuck in a state of black-and-white thinking, but in order to completely recover, you’ll need to broaden your perspective on the situation.
5. You and your partner no longer share any interests or values with one another. This always appears to be something that can be worked on or corrected, but when two individuals lead separate lifestyles, they can finally go too far apart to be reconciled. After a while, this happens slowly and secretly until one day there are no mutual interests any longer and someone becomes bored and wants to go. In many situations, there were no shared interests to begin with, which made the process of reuniting even more difficult.
In order to cope, take this chance and time to consider what you want to accomplish with your time and how you want to live your life going forward. As difficult as it may be to lose your spouse, there is likely a part of you that has shut down or been disoriented as a result of the relationship. Now is the time to rediscover it.