How to Get His Attention Back From Another Woman
First, he likes her, and he wants to give all his time to her …
..but suddenly his attention disappears like snow in the sun.
Suddenly his oasis of sweet words has dried up – and you are in a barren desert.
How do I keep his attention?
Many women have this problem. So you are not alone in that.
Since I have been able to talk to many women, I have seen what works and what does not. I am a dating coach for a reason, and everything I write here is based on years of experience.
In addition, I know why some men run away from you with their tails between their legs. And of course, you don’t want that.
But science also has a lot in store when it comes to why you have lost your friend’s interest … and how best to deal with it.
Before I give you any tips on this, let me first address a difference between men and women.
Men are attracted first…. Only then are they willing to get to know you better.
Even when they are in a relationship it is important that they feel attracted. That will make them more willing to invest in you.
It is a trait of the man, but one that is important to know.
Most women can make a nice man head on the first date….
But can you still do it on the tenth date? And on the hundredth?
That’s what this article is about.
I’m going to give you 13 tips, if you’re dating a man, to make sure you keep his attention.
My goal is for him to become obsessed with you again. You deserve it – a man who goes all out for you.
How to Get His Attention Back From Another Woman
Tip 1: Do not enter relationship mode.
Do you remember the first date?
You didn’t know him very well yet. You had little expectations of him.
You were actually very relaxed. “I’ll see how it goes.”
Of course, you stood in front of the mirror for a while, and you prepared well. But otherwise, you were yourself.
Just like him. He arrived there as a man: with the need to seduce you. And he wanted to do something for that. But he was himself: a little nervous too. (That’s not to say you noticed, but pretty much every man is a little nervous about a first date.)
It was simple.
You want to bring that simplicity back into your relationship. If you lose his attention, chances are you’ve made it more complicated than it is. That there are expectations between you. That it is no longer as on the first date.
Time to change that.
Tip 2: Avoid clinging.
On the first date, he went out of his way. He wanted to conquer you, and he was willing to do something for that.
That also had to do with you. You didn’t know him very well yet. So he had to prove himself first.
Now that you know him, it obviously influences how you are doing. If you are very much in love with him, you can have high expectations.
Whether you feel insecure and need a lot of confirmation.
This sends him the signal that you are very committed to him. If this is more intense with you than with him, or if he is not that far yet, then the relationship is out of balance. That can put him off.
Take some throttle back.
Avoid going faster than him. It’s okay to be insecure, or if you’d like to be with him. But it is better to discuss this with friends than to show this (in the beginning of a relationship) continuously. This will prevent it from snapping.
Tip 3: Continue to seduce him.
In addition, you want to do everything to make him (even) crazier at you.
If he’s less likely to bond with you than your bond with him, it means giving him a reason to find you attractive.
Realize that attraction comes before interest in men. You will first need to get his attention before he asks you how you are doing.
How you do this is very simple. The first-date principle also applies here.
Act just like on the first date.
Then you made sure you looked good. You took the time to be feminine and strong. You want to keep doing this. If you look your best, you are more likely to notice him positively than to sit in a jogging suit on the couch eating milk and muesli.
Bonus tip: shock it.
If you’ve been in your chill pants a little too often lately when he came to visit you, now is the time for a pleasant surprise.
Next time, welcome him in a ” first date outfit.” Or even better: make it exciting. Something that simply cannot miss his attention.
Men are visually oriented, so give us some viewing pleasure!
Tip 4: Let him play with you.
Okay, you got his attention back a little bit. Now the question is: How do you hold it?
Our attention is quite easy to get with the first-date kit. But holding that is just a bit more complicated.
The first thing you want to check if he has lost interest in you is how much effort he still has to “have” you.
Men are lazy creatures.
If we have someone who is completely loyal, who we have already conquered, there is little reward to make an effort. As a result, our interest gradually declines.
Compare it to a cat and a ball of wool. The cat can play for hours if you challenge him with the wool. Provided you pull the ball just before he can grab it, before his face. Then he becomes fascinated and wants to keep trying.
But you throw the ball directly at him like this: Here you have it …
Then you see that cat gets bored very quickly. He will grab it for a moment, look at it, and then walk away. Like: Well, now it’s been nice.
With a man, you don’t want to throw the ball of wool at him at once, but always challenge him a little with one thread. So he will tend to keep playing, and you will keep his attention.
That’s because the effort he has to put in is equal to how long you do
the ball of wool keeps his attention.
Don’t be easy.
If he wants to meet you? Then you wait a few more days.
Or does he want to see you at his home on a Tuesday at eleven in the evening? Hahaha, the prankster …
Send him a message:
“Hey, it seems nice to see you … but I’m not the kind of girl who comes to visit you late at night. Let’s see each other on a terrace on Saturday afternoon. ”
This way he immediately knows that he will not get rid of it with lazy behavior.
And talking about messages….
Tip 5: Tease him.
If there is a bit of back and forth, you can use this to grab his attention and make him “nice”.
You want to tease him a little so that he feels like you – and then have him wait.
“Hey, I dreamed about you last night….”
Even if you have lost his attention, you will get it back in a moment. He will at least find it flattering and at best he will wonder what exactly you thought of.
Fast forward, some messages further. Suppose you send him an exciting photo via WhatsApp….
(We all do that sometimes.)
And he then wants to meet immediately.
Then tell him: “Tomorrow”
Keep him waiting for a while. It doesn’t have to be very long, just a little is enough.
This keeps things exciting for him. And in the time in between, he will fantasize about you. This is exactly where you want it. So you are in his attention.
So you want to tease him and “keep it warm” even when you are not together. You can find out how to do that in my blog about sexting for women.
Tip 6: Make him jealous.
Men are crazy people. One of the things in which we differ from women is that we first feel attraction … and then interest in your personality.
Another difference is that before we fully go for you, we must first feel jealous.
Are you dealing with a man who takes you a little too much for granted? Then he may not question your loyalty. And if not, he doesn’t tend to “own” you.
It’s kind of crude, but that’s what it comes down to in a man. He wants you to be “his”….
But if you already are, without having experienced jealousy just before, he will not appreciate his positive feelings. After all, he didn’t have to fight for it.
Time to make him jealous.
If you have not been dating for very long, it is best to post a photo of you and another man on your Facebook.
Not a photo where you are playing together, but one in which you are doing something fun together. This way he can see that he is not the only man in your life who may be interested. It can be that simple.
Or tell between nose and lips that you were going to do “something fun” with “a friend” of yours. Most men don’t believe that this friendship is platonic. They are too jealous of that.
Awaken his jealousy, then enjoy his urge to occupy.
Tip 7: Don’t forget to show him that you like him.
It may also be that if you lose his attention, you have overshot too much and he feels that you don’t like him at all.
Look, we men like a challenge…. But not endless exercises.
At some point, we want to get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and sometimes it all takes a bit longer.
One man is more patient than the other.
Whatever the case, you always want to keep giving him signals that you can tell that you like him and that you want him to go for you.
How do you do that?
Flirt with him. It doesn’t matter if you’re on date one or date one hundred: keep pretending you haven’t known each other for very long. Keep giving him signals that you like him and want him to conquer you.
So this is very different from deep love declarations. They have their place, but not every time you are in the same room together. Flirting, on the other hand, is something you can keep doing, which will never get boring and which will keep you holding his attention.
What you want to keep in mind is this.
Men like hard to get, but not impossible to get. You want to give him a challenge, but one with a clear ending and a high reward.
Tip 8: Know your competition.
Your friend will undoubtedly love you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be with you.
And even if a man you date, he is interested, even if he does not always show that.
The moment he pays less attention to you, chances are that something else is going on in his life.
Little things like ‘work’, ‘his education’ or ‘ambitions’.
They are very important to a man.
But also if he has something to process.
Men are tigers when it comes to problems.
They have to pacify for a while in a quiet spot in the jungle, without anyone around them. If he’s giving you less attention at this point, one of the above may be the cause.
But Tim, what do I have to do with that? I just want him to pay more attention to me!
I understand that very well. After all, you also have your needs.
But if you know that he needs his attention elsewhere now, I would take a few deep breaths…
… And give him the opportunity to finish what he started. Then he will come back to you.
If you don’t think that’s enough, or he’s very ambitious, you want to be a “distraction” to him.
How cool is it when he works hard…
… And he comes home that night…
… And you are waiting for him in your most exciting outfit?
Realize that if he has an interesting and nail-hard job, he’ll be severely stimulated all day.
He is then not waiting for intense conversations or overly sticky emotions. No, he either wants to be alone – or recreation.
And you have to know how to fill in the latter yourself, but if you are smart, you will find something that you both enjoy. Something that is straightforward, and where he does not have to think about his work – but a bit about you.
Tip 9: Be like the First Lady.
As you know, men have more to do than sitting on the couch with you. At least, most.
He may be concerned that a relationship with you takes his attention away from the other things he finds important.
And that thought is difficult for a man.
He likes to see himself as independent, as strong, as a king.
Are you a queen, or do you want to demote him as a lackey?
My customer Peter…
… Is a business banker. He is literally working all day.
Then he met a lady who he absolutely loved. She was smart, beautiful and sexy. After dating for a while, he was hopelessly in love.
I spoke to him a month later…
… And then it turned out that he broke up with her.
Well, as a dating coach I am used to this, but I was really surprised about this.
I asked him, “How is that possible? You were in love, right? ”
He was so in love with her that he was afraid he would put aside his ambition for her. He didn’t think it was worth it. And then he threw her out of his life overnight. Spijkerhard removed her number. And no longer spoke to her.
Well, your man is undoubtedly nicer than Peter…. But this is how ambitious men sometimes deal with it. Everything has to give way to their dream. You too if you get in your way.
Most men raise the bar, but every man needs independence to some degree, and pursue his ambitions. The last thing you want to do is give the idea that you are going to lie on the track like a boulder to block his train.
So what is the best thing to do?
Act like the First Lady.
The wife of the President of the United States has a special role.
Not only is she married to the boss of the world, which keeps her in the spotlight all the time; she must also support him in his ambition.
Well, your friend is undoubtedly not the President of the United States (and otherwise welcome, Michelle).
But you continuously want to show him that you value his ambition and that you want him to go for it. That you don’t see it as an obstacle to your relationship.
In fact, you might find it more attractive as a result.
And drop that subtly? That won’t hurt.
“Gosh, I think it’s so good of you that you worked overtime today. You had been on it for eight hours, but you went on for two more hours. I would have gotten pretty tired then. You are really motivated to achieve what you want! ”
Tip 10: Do the Ostrich.
A man gets lazy when he thinks you’re his.
At the same time, he can become restless if he no longer finds himself independent enough.
Now the question is: with one simple step, how do you make him feel more and more independent, and get the idea that he has to make an effort for you and start to long for you?
Welcome to the Ostrich.
The Ostrich is the secret weapon I teach all my female coaching clients. I think it is time to tell him on my blog now.
The idea is as follows.
Do you talk to each other every day, or is there always going back and forth? Then don’t do this for a day.
Complete radio silence for 24 hours, at least.
Do you talk to each other every three days?
Time to ignore him for about five days.
Why do you wonder?
Exactly for the three reasons I just mentioned.
You reassure him that he is not too much under the stick (ironically). You let less of you hear so he concludes that it is okay with that independence from him.
In addition, he will also ask himself:
“Hey, I always hear from her at this regular time. Where did she go? “
At best, he thinks, “Oh wait – she has no other one, does she?”
He won’t panic after a day. But if this cloud comes up in the back of his mind … it won’t hurt now and then.
And finally comes the final blow of the Ostrich.
If he asks why you have not responded to his messages for a day, you say …
“Yes sorry. I was busy with other things. I am not ready to respond 24/7 when you send a message ”.
Your husband will be beaten for his ego. The lion in him will raise his head and roar, “But WAIT!”
Why isn’t she available 24/7 to answer my messages ?!
He will not show this to you. Because lions are hunters, but they are also proud.
But make no mistake! He longs for you more. Acts more competitively. The male emerges in him.
Don’t be surprised if he suddenly tries his best for you. If he even gets a little desperate to get your attention.
Because remember: a lion never gives up.
But he simply cannot compete with the Ostrich. It has a secret weapon to control a lion. And just like the ostrich, you now also have a secret weapon in your hands.
Tip 11: Provide variety.
When you sit on the couch together and no whistle happens …
Then I understand that at some point he throws it all out, and starts looking for adventure.
That doesn’t even have to be up to you. It may be that the way he looks for variation in his life, the new things he tries, just don’t do well with you.
Maybe these are typical man things:
- Does he lock up in his garage to tinker with a new engine?
- Does he buy new computer games that he and his friends can mess with for hours?
- Will he join a new football club?
That could be an indication that he feels like doing new things.
And is that the case? Then make sure you join him.
Say it yourself. If the only variation in your relationship is what flavor of cheese chips you bring in on Saturday night during The Voice of Holland, then it’s time to get off your butt and try something new:
- Cook a new dish together.
- Try a crazy new sport together.
- Try a restaurant that has just opened.
You may think:
But how is it possible that this works? Who cares if we have variety in the activities we do, or what flavor of cheese chips we eat together? Is variation not variation?
I have coached thousands of people, and there is one thing I know for sure.
Nobody wants a boring partner.
And science shows this too. Men like women who are more open to new experiences. In other words, boring women are less attractive than women who try something new.
By showing that you are open to new experiences, he can just give you more attention. And that’s nice, because you experience something new, and you win it back a bit.
Tip 12: Travel together.
Have you ever heard of Mr. Pavlov?
He was a scientist who liked to experiment with animals.
It sounds freaky, but it is not so bad.
Because there was good food involved, and then it is always good, right?
He has conducted his most famous experiments with dogs. The moment he fed them, he rang a bell.
He did this consistently for a short while.
Then he decided not to feed the dogs, but to ring the bell.
What turned out? All dogs thought the food was ready. They came over and started drooling spontaneously.
They were confused and thought the bell was “the cause” of the food.
How you can use this in your relationship …
Traveling makes you happy.
Research after research shows this. Recently, scientists have found that the further Tweets get from home, the more happy words they contain.
And you can recognize this in your own life. Think about how you enjoy your vacation.
You can already feel it coming.
If traveling makes you happy …
And you want your friend to have more reasons to pay attention to you….
Then go to a different place with your friend!
Because the journey itself produces happiness hormones, your friend will associate them with you. He will subconsciously think that his happiness comes from the journey through you.
Just as the drooling dogs reacted as if the food was a result of the ringing bell when it was not at all.
It’s a very interesting trick that can help boost your relationship. In addition, traveling in itself is a lot of fun – research proves it.
And no …
I’m not saying you should take time off from work right now and then fly to the Philippines on a last-minute ticket.
You can also run this experiment in miniature. Instead of staying home for the weekend, go to another city and walk around a bit there. What is stopping you?
If you live in Utrecht, you can be in Groningen within two hours, a very beautiful city. And of course, that also applies the other way around.
You can get anywhere in the Netherlands within a few hours. Nobody has seen the whole country before. And if you are very eager to travel, nothing will stop you from driving to Germany and Belgium this weekend. It is not that those countries are much further away.
Even Hungary or Sweden are only a few hours away. All in all, it takes no more than five hours to get there (including airport transfer), and often cost no more than 100 euros for a return ticket.
It will boost your relationship, make you look more attractive in your friend’s eyes, and see some of the worlds.
Tip 13: Go on a bedroom safari.
Speaking of adventures….
How’s your sex life?
Okay, okay, I don’t need to know it in detail …
… But it doesn’t hurt to take a critical look at it yourself:
- How experimental are you?
- Are you as crazy about each other as in the beginning?
- Does he find enough challenge, and you love enough?
Here I give you tips on what men want in bed. And if he gives you less attention, I’d start thrilling him as much as possible. That’s what the sex tips are for.
Because attraction comes first for a man – only then interest.
And attraction is a fire that can easily ignite you.
It’s that simple.
So. With these tips, you can move forward.
I hope you get his attention, and your relationship flourishes a bit.
How to Get His Attention Back From Another Woman by Alice Florence