THE 5 STAGES OF LOVE
When people separate, they often say that they are not made for each other. And that while at the beginning of that relationship you were sure that it was all for you – and everyone around you thought that too.
How is it that such compelling love can slowly turn into… nothing? Jed Diamond is a famous psychologist who conducted clinical research for 40 years and discovered that people do indeed meet their true love in life. He discovered five different stages of love and that many couples do not progress beyond that third phase.
These are the stages that Diamond distinguishes:
Falling in love
In this phase, you are on a kind of happiness cloud of hormones. You project all your hopes and desires onto your partner. It’s put on a pedestal: whatever it does, you’ll love it. He will make you happy for the rest of your life and fulfill all your wishes. And you are so in love that there is zero room for any skepticism.
You are becoming a couple
Love is getting stronger and after a series of successful dates, you may move in together. You get to know each other more and more and your lives become intertwined. Together you form a strong unity, you feel protected and loved. You feel that you have found the man for you and your love is destined.
Here we arrived in the infamous third phase. You have the feeling that your feelings fade and may disappear one day. His behavior becomes predictable and irritates you immensely. The idea of breaking up is haunting you more and more often and you wonder if he’s the one for you. You don’t see why you should stick around in a relationship that has had its best time.
You create true, lasting love.
When you close your eyes to that aversion and do your utmost to continue, you may make it through that third phase. In it, your mind is liberated from all the hopes and desires that you have projected on it in the first phase. The man in front of you may not be the man you always dreamed about, but a real person. You accept – and more importantly – understand its shortcomings. Now is the time to heal and move on to the next phase.
You use your power to change the world
When you realize that you have grown over your disagreements and have built a deep, lasting bond, you come to the following conclusion: that together you have the power to mean something in the world. You are not just together, but for a greater purpose. You may be working together, writing together, making something together – basically everything. But when you function together as one you can say with 100% certainty: it is me.